Rainbow Pregnancy

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I have been through 2 rainbow pregnancies. These are new pregnancies that follow a loss.

My first was L, we’d been trying for over a year got pregnant and by 5 weeks confirmed I was having an early miscarriage.

Two months later I was pregnant again but I didn’t find out till I was 6/7 weeks along partly due to my fear of knowing. I reasoned if I was to lose baby then I was better not knowing beforehand.

I ended up paying for a reassurance scan at 9 weeks and there was my lovely rainbow!

The anxiety never stopped and I often thought baby had died. As we both grew and I felt him more the anxiety never really faded but i could reason he was probably ok.

Four years later another rainbow but this time I had experienced a stillbirth at nearly 7 months of pregnancy and then 10 months later I woke from emergency surgery after a ruptured ectopic losing one tube plus what was to be our rainbow.

This new pregnancy was scary! Not only did I have the fear of another ectopic but I had the fear of a stillbirth of which could occur any time up till baby was in my arms.

My pregnancy was filled with fear and anxiety but also guilt. Would my daughter think I had replaced her, what if I didn’t love this baby because it wasn’t my daughter.

I wrote a post about trying for a rainbow being hard and how those pregnant seem to think they are experiencing worse. I wrote that post over a year ago and looking back I never once felt worse off.

Often I felt regret at conceiving because I felt I couldn’t cope but I remember feeling so so lucky i achieved what I longed for and what so many were still struggling to gain. Why would I think that so much harder than not having it.

My pregnancy between rainbows however was my worse. My anxiety was through the roof, I felt so sure I would lose this baby. That feeling increased when I find out she was our first girl our one and only daughter forever.

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L’s Birth Story

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L is my second born and he followed an early miscarriage so is classed as a rainbow baby (baby born after a loss).

I wanted a homebirth with him also despite suffering severe PGP (pelvic girdle pain) I felt I could do it. Around 28 weeks he was confirmed head down and healthy.

By 32 weeks he was transverse (laying sideways). At this stage it wasn’t an issue we had time and we had a plan. Some exercises from spinning babies (see useful links page) and we were confident. By 36 weeks baby had done a full 360 but was still not head down again.

My midwife at this point realised I had excess water but needed a scan to confirm both babies position and the amount of water present. My scan was booked for Monday.

All day Saturday I had awful back ache which I suspected was early labour but by 9pm it fizzled out. I woke around 6am to a weird pop then I wet myself!!! My waters had gone…. well some of it.

As baby was transverse it’s considered risky as cord would come before baby and risk babies life and as I am only driver in household we had to ring an ambulance.

Now we lived 2 minutes away, you could see the hospital from the window but still we needed help. They arrived and essentially laughed at me telling me it was ok to be upright. I found out 4 years on its really not ok!

We arrived around 7am and a midwife checked where baby was laying. Still transverse.

A scan was ordered so a plan could be formed. 8am a scan showed baby had turned head down finally so the plan for vaginal birth was going ahead. I was no longer allowed my home birth due to risk of baby moving again.

We were sent to a ward to allow labour to come on. 10am and not a lot had happened and baby was checked and well.

Around 7pm that night we had seen noone all day not been checked over and labour wasn’t really going anywhere. I then started shivering. We were given a blanket and left to it again.

Around 9pm I’d had enough of being on a noisy ward and ignored. I said I was in pain and wanted more pain relief. They took us to delivery suite to be assessed.

As I had lied they soon said you’re not in active labour so will need to transfer you back. I asked for heart check as hadn’t had one in 12 hours.

I was put on a trace and asked to press when baby moved. They didn’t believe I wasn’t feeling him until the trace showed signs of distress. At this point a doctor was called in to examine me and more water went.

A senior midwife appeared next and spotted my shivering I said I was freezing. She said you’re burning up and may have infection.

I was moved to a delivery room and put on paracetamol to lower my temperature. Due to lack of progress in 10 hours it was suggested I have a section. I agreed.

L was born silently at 2:35 am which was scary. I was convinced he had died after a few minutes we heard him scream and I cried harder!

He then silently surveyed his environment from his dads arms which is only time he’s been quiet in 4 years!!